Dating Tips for Christian Guys


“He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord.”
(Proverbs 18:22)

My last post, Four Things Every Single Guy Should Be Doing, was written for single guys who are sick of being single. This post is for essentially the same audience, except today I’m going to assume you’re dating someone or will be soon. (And for those offended by my reference to dating, your turn is coming: I’ll mention courtship later on.)

As I shared last week, I’m certainly not an expert on marriage and my credentials aren’t much better for dating…err, courtship. But since I’ve done it recently with some success (she said yes!), I thought I’d share what I’ve learned along the way.

Don’t Let Chivalry Die on Your Watch

Paying for her food isn’t old school. Neither is opening the car door for her. Or giving her your jacket on a cold night. Or holding the umbrella over her head while getting soaked yourself. You might think she’s different, that things like that don’t really matter to her. But she’s not, and they do. Maybe she concluded long ago that nobody would ever treat her like Pa treats Ma on Little House on the Prairie. But prove her wrong, and make Pa look bad.

By the way, chivalry is about more than wooing your woman to wed; it’s about serving her as a gentleman. If you stop opening the car door once she shares your last name, you’ll look like, well, a jerk. So if you do end up marrying her, maintain whatever precedents you set beforehand.

Make Her Feel Special

In other words, don’t be cheap. If she’s potentially worth the rest of your life, surely she’s worth a bouquet of flowers. Buy her favorite candy at the movie. Go all out on Valentine’s Day. Send her a handwritten love letter in the mail. Remember anniversaries of important days. If you end up marrying this girl, the story of how you fell in love will be one that’s told hundreds of times. Make it a story worth telling.

Pick Her Up in Your Car

Your job is to stand out from the crowd, to prove that you’re the better choice.

Picking her up in your car is a way of saying you’ll go out of your way to be with her. There’s nothing wrong with having her meet you from time to time, but don’t let that be the norm. Remember: most godly young women have attracted the attention of at least a few decent guys. Your job is to stand out from the crowd, to prove that you’re the better choice. So do the things they didn’t do and go the extra mile.

Have Serious Conversations

Everybody has their own list of deal-breaker issues. So if you’re the sort of person who could never marry a person with different political views, better to find out now who she voted for. A few weeks into our courtship, Laura and I had a long talk about a laundry list of topics: politics, church background, doctrinal beliefs, alcohol consumption, etc. Over the next couple months we talked about other issues like family size and which state we’d live in if things worked out (we lived in different states at the time). Sure, it’s always scary to start a conversation that might ruin everything. But if she really is the one, it won’t. In fact, you’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief once those hurdles are cleared.

Set Boundaries

As I shared in my last post, the specifics about whether to kiss, hold hands, etc., are between you and God. But under no circumstances should you be alone in each other’s homes. Setting a responsible curfew will help protect your integrity and your reputation as well. No, I’m not saying you should bring a chaperone along on every date; I know from experience that’s not always possible. But no matter how committed you are to purity, temptation will show up — and you shouldn’t be alone when it does.

Be a Leader

You’re not a husband yet, but go ahead and start practicing your spiritual leadership skills. Talk about Sunday’s sermon. Read and talk about Scripture together. Pray with and for her. Don’t be like most men who let their wives determine how important God will be in the home. Set an example of following Christ that’s worth emulating, and remember that this starts with faithfulness in your own walk with God.

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